Heartbreak. Just like every painful experience we go through in life, we somehow think that each time it happens, it will get easier. Unfortunately, the only thing that does get easier with time (and only if you’re lucky), is knowing how to handle it in a healthy manner. Heartbreak sucks- whether it be finding out that your crush is now dating the head cheerleader, or you get stood up on a Friday night…it’s all the same.
My last relationship had all of the makings of an adorable and saccharine sweet romantic comedy. The loyal male friend sits on the sidelines, pining for the girl. The girl is enthralled with a hunk, thinks he’s the one who’s going to sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after with her. When the romance with the “hunk” fails, girl runs straight to her friend and cries on his shoulder. Loyal guy friend comforts her, and before you know it she realizes everything she ever wanted was right in front of her the whole time. Loyal guy confesses his love, girl realizes she feels the same, and they live happily ever after. For the most part, that’s exactly what happened to me. Sweet, right? Of course! But no one ever bothers to find out what happens after the first few days, weeks, months- when the newness wears off and reality kicks in. Hollywood forgets to mention that the loyal friend is dealing with his own marriage failing, and the girl is dealing with her own feelings of inadequacy and the dissolution of her own marriage. Somehow, the part about children being involved, finances, time management, emotional bandwidth, work, legal issues and all the other amazing things life throws at us are somehow, someway, left out of the Hollywood romance equation. When it all comes crashing down and the breakup happens, does anyone talk about- or even think about the friendship that’s in pieces at the end of it all? It’s hard to mend yourself after a breakup, and it’s even harder to try to go back to having that person in your life as a friend when you’re hurting. Can you go back to the way things were before words were exchanged, people were hurt, and lines were crossed? Loyal friend/male counterpart moves on. Girl is left picking up the pieces of her heart and tries to figure out what went wrong.
In the past, I dealt with my heartache and pain in the same way- run straight into the arms of another guy. Go thru the motions of a meaningless relationship and act like it doesn’t hurt that much when it all falls apart. Since this most recent relationship was nothing like I’d ever experienced before (in a GOOD way), I decided it was time to grow up and deal with things like an adult. No more guy hopping, no more fake relationships, no more looking for something I’d never find. I was going to work thru the pain and work on me…and in the meantime, I was going to get some new ink.
After a particularly emotionally draining day which led to an amazing, wine filled night with the girlfriends- I had my idea. I've been thru a ton of heartbreak and dodged lots of bullets that have tried to tear me down. It's been hard, but I've chosen not to give in, not to let it hurt me, and most importantly, my faith has allowed me NOT to sink. I have my anchor, my hope, my strength- it's in me, but I needed to see it ON me. Here comes the ink!
I set off with my ink buddy (ironically enough, it's my ex husband) with the intention to just price work and see what can be done. First stop ends up being the last stop, and 2 hours later my left arm is swollen and throbbing. Finished product was more than I could have ever hoped for, and I'm quite a happy camper. The whole experience was incredibly therapeutic: the sting, the burn, the pain of getting tattooed. The discomfort, the weird sunburn-ish feeling of the healing process- it all seemed to mimic exactly what I was feeling inside. As I sorted thru my feelings, worked out some anger and started to mend emotionally, so did my tattoo.
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| Anchor/Hope-Left forearm. By far, the most meaningful tattoo I've gotten. |
Although I feel like I've healed emotionally from the pain of the breakup, I know that my friendship with this person still needs time to mend. And just like that relationship has not healed completely, neither has my tattoo. The tattoo will heal quicker than the time it will take for the emotional scars our friendship has, but it's a good reminder that in time- all wounds heal in their own way.
I used to say I was lucky to be with this guy. Now I know I wasn't lucky JUST because of that- I'm lucky because being with him was an opportunity to learn so much about myself, about life and love, and because when things got crappy, I realized I'm surrounded by friends who love me and care for me no matter what. No matter how ugly, hard, and complicated life can get...it's still pretty amazing and beautiful.
Cheers to a new start (and new ink)!
xoxo,
Julie
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