Current Music Obsession: Paramore- The Only Exception
So much is going on in my life right now. I feel like things are spinning, changing at such a rapid pace- that the only thing I know for sure is who my real friends are, and that I'm stepping way out of my comfort zone and going to serious uncharted territory.
I'm loving every second of it.
That's all.
XO,
Julie
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Letting go... 2012 so far.
My Mother always told me that how you spend your New Year's Eve/Day is a reflection of how you will spend your year. As a child, I spent each and every NYE/Day surrounded by my family, and at least every other weekend surrounded by them as well. I grew up, got engaged and then married and those NYE's were spent waiting for the (ex) hubby to get off work, while surrounded by family, drinking and thinking about how my life sucked. And again...the year was spent doing the same.
The end of 2011 rolls around. I'm as single as can be and quite glad about it. Plans are made to party with the girls like it's 1999. Dinner, drinks, and lots of friends gathering to say adios to the drama filled 2011. If this was a reflection of how my 2012 was going to end up, I was off to a good start. However...things took a turn when an argument started and we needed to bolt from a party 10 minutes before midnight. When the clock struck 12 am, I was driving down loop 410, headed to a friends house to salvage the night. *sigh* I decide to take this as a sign that 2012 was going to be my year of traveling...and cleaning (since I spent part of my night also cleaning out my car).
Fast forward to now. I've taken a cruise to Cozumel, road tripped to Austin, New Braunfels and Port Aransas. I'm planning a Fall trip to Phoenix to visit some awesome people, and planning a Summer 2013 trip to visit my sisters in Missouri/Kansas. Sweetness, right?
Dig a little deeper...into the cleaning. I've started cleaning up my diet, getting into shape by running and working out on a more regular basis. I've stopped putting up with people's bs and started living for me. Negative and toxic people (for the most part) have been eliminated and my life finally feels like its on track- especially after the crap last night.
The ever present guy friend (see post: Heartbreak and Tattoos) and I finally mended our friendship to some extent. However, I realized that just because we could be friends again, didn't mean that we should be. A mindless comment lead to a confrontation which led to an argument bigger than either of us could imagine. As a result, a decision was made to walk out from each others lives. It was for the best, but when it happened, I couldn't help but want to cry and take back my actions. But I didn't , and I'm glad because I came across this and suddenly it all made sense.
I believe people come into our lives for certain reasons at certain times. When the lesson has been learned, they leave and holding on to them stalls the growing process and their presence becomes toxic for all involved. His presence in my life was wonderful and amazing and he helped me realize that i'm quite the amazing girl. However, us hanging onto what was and what could have been tore me apart and into a million little pieces. But, like the picture says...I learned that i'm stronger than I think.
I'll forever be grateful for the lessons I learned from this person. However it's time to let go, and throw out the trash.
Cheers to letting go of the trash, the toxic and the meaningless bs that brings us down. Cheers to living free.
xo
-Julie
The end of 2011 rolls around. I'm as single as can be and quite glad about it. Plans are made to party with the girls like it's 1999. Dinner, drinks, and lots of friends gathering to say adios to the drama filled 2011. If this was a reflection of how my 2012 was going to end up, I was off to a good start. However...things took a turn when an argument started and we needed to bolt from a party 10 minutes before midnight. When the clock struck 12 am, I was driving down loop 410, headed to a friends house to salvage the night. *sigh* I decide to take this as a sign that 2012 was going to be my year of traveling...and cleaning (since I spent part of my night also cleaning out my car).
Fast forward to now. I've taken a cruise to Cozumel, road tripped to Austin, New Braunfels and Port Aransas. I'm planning a Fall trip to Phoenix to visit some awesome people, and planning a Summer 2013 trip to visit my sisters in Missouri/Kansas. Sweetness, right?
Dig a little deeper...into the cleaning. I've started cleaning up my diet, getting into shape by running and working out on a more regular basis. I've stopped putting up with people's bs and started living for me. Negative and toxic people (for the most part) have been eliminated and my life finally feels like its on track- especially after the crap last night.
The ever present guy friend (see post: Heartbreak and Tattoos) and I finally mended our friendship to some extent. However, I realized that just because we could be friends again, didn't mean that we should be. A mindless comment lead to a confrontation which led to an argument bigger than either of us could imagine. As a result, a decision was made to walk out from each others lives. It was for the best, but when it happened, I couldn't help but want to cry and take back my actions. But I didn't , and I'm glad because I came across this and suddenly it all made sense.
I believe people come into our lives for certain reasons at certain times. When the lesson has been learned, they leave and holding on to them stalls the growing process and their presence becomes toxic for all involved. His presence in my life was wonderful and amazing and he helped me realize that i'm quite the amazing girl. However, us hanging onto what was and what could have been tore me apart and into a million little pieces. But, like the picture says...I learned that i'm stronger than I think.
I'll forever be grateful for the lessons I learned from this person. However it's time to let go, and throw out the trash.
Cheers to letting go of the trash, the toxic and the meaningless bs that brings us down. Cheers to living free.
xo
-Julie
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Heartbreak and Tattoos
Current music obsession- John Mayer: “Dreaming with a Broken Heart”
Heartbreak. Just like every painful experience we go through in life, we somehow think that each time it happens, it will get easier. Unfortunately, the only thing that does get easier with time (and only if you’re lucky), is knowing how to handle it in a healthy manner. Heartbreak sucks- whether it be finding out that your crush is now dating the head cheerleader, or you get stood up on a Friday night…it’s all the same.
My last relationship had all of the makings of an adorable and saccharine sweet romantic comedy. The loyal male friend sits on the sidelines, pining for the girl. The girl is enthralled with a hunk, thinks he’s the one who’s going to sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after with her. When the romance with the “hunk” fails, girl runs straight to her friend and cries on his shoulder. Loyal guy friend comforts her, and before you know it she realizes everything she ever wanted was right in front of her the whole time. Loyal guy confesses his love, girl realizes she feels the same, and they live happily ever after. For the most part, that’s exactly what happened to me. Sweet, right? Of course! But no one ever bothers to find out what happens after the first few days, weeks, months- when the newness wears off and reality kicks in. Hollywood forgets to mention that the loyal friend is dealing with his own marriage failing, and the girl is dealing with her own feelings of inadequacy and the dissolution of her own marriage. Somehow, the part about children being involved, finances, time management, emotional bandwidth, work, legal issues and all the other amazing things life throws at us are somehow, someway, left out of the Hollywood romance equation. When it all comes crashing down and the breakup happens, does anyone talk about- or even think about the friendship that’s in pieces at the end of it all? It’s hard to mend yourself after a breakup, and it’s even harder to try to go back to having that person in your life as a friend when you’re hurting. Can you go back to the way things were before words were exchanged, people were hurt, and lines were crossed? Loyal friend/male counterpart moves on. Girl is left picking up the pieces of her heart and tries to figure out what went wrong.
In the past, I dealt with my heartache and pain in the same way- run straight into the arms of another guy. Go thru the motions of a meaningless relationship and act like it doesn’t hurt that much when it all falls apart. Since this most recent relationship was nothing like I’d ever experienced before (in a GOOD way), I decided it was time to grow up and deal with things like an adult. No more guy hopping, no more fake relationships, no more looking for something I’d never find. I was going to work thru the pain and work on me…and in the meantime, I was going to get some new ink.
After a particularly emotionally draining day which led to an amazing, wine filled night with the girlfriends- I had my idea. I've been thru a ton of heartbreak and dodged lots of bullets that have tried to tear me down. It's been hard, but I've chosen not to give in, not to let it hurt me, and most importantly, my faith has allowed me NOT to sink. I have my anchor, my hope, my strength- it's in me, but I needed to see it ON me. Here comes the ink!
I set off with my ink buddy (ironically enough, it's my ex husband) with the intention to just price work and see what can be done. First stop ends up being the last stop, and 2 hours later my left arm is swollen and throbbing. Finished product was more than I could have ever hoped for, and I'm quite a happy camper. The whole experience was incredibly therapeutic: the sting, the burn, the pain of getting tattooed. The discomfort, the weird sunburn-ish feeling of the healing process- it all seemed to mimic exactly what I was feeling inside. As I sorted thru my feelings, worked out some anger and started to mend emotionally, so did my tattoo.
Although I feel like I've healed emotionally from the pain of the breakup, I know that my friendship with this person still needs time to mend. And just like that relationship has not healed completely, neither has my tattoo. The tattoo will heal quicker than the time it will take for the emotional scars our friendship has, but it's a good reminder that in time- all wounds heal in their own way.
I used to say I was lucky to be with this guy. Now I know I wasn't lucky JUST because of that- I'm lucky because being with him was an opportunity to learn so much about myself, about life and love, and because when things got crappy, I realized I'm surrounded by friends who love me and care for me no matter what. No matter how ugly, hard, and complicated life can get...it's still pretty amazing and beautiful.
Cheers to a new start (and new ink)!
xoxo,
Julie
Heartbreak. Just like every painful experience we go through in life, we somehow think that each time it happens, it will get easier. Unfortunately, the only thing that does get easier with time (and only if you’re lucky), is knowing how to handle it in a healthy manner. Heartbreak sucks- whether it be finding out that your crush is now dating the head cheerleader, or you get stood up on a Friday night…it’s all the same.
My last relationship had all of the makings of an adorable and saccharine sweet romantic comedy. The loyal male friend sits on the sidelines, pining for the girl. The girl is enthralled with a hunk, thinks he’s the one who’s going to sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after with her. When the romance with the “hunk” fails, girl runs straight to her friend and cries on his shoulder. Loyal guy friend comforts her, and before you know it she realizes everything she ever wanted was right in front of her the whole time. Loyal guy confesses his love, girl realizes she feels the same, and they live happily ever after. For the most part, that’s exactly what happened to me. Sweet, right? Of course! But no one ever bothers to find out what happens after the first few days, weeks, months- when the newness wears off and reality kicks in. Hollywood forgets to mention that the loyal friend is dealing with his own marriage failing, and the girl is dealing with her own feelings of inadequacy and the dissolution of her own marriage. Somehow, the part about children being involved, finances, time management, emotional bandwidth, work, legal issues and all the other amazing things life throws at us are somehow, someway, left out of the Hollywood romance equation. When it all comes crashing down and the breakup happens, does anyone talk about- or even think about the friendship that’s in pieces at the end of it all? It’s hard to mend yourself after a breakup, and it’s even harder to try to go back to having that person in your life as a friend when you’re hurting. Can you go back to the way things were before words were exchanged, people were hurt, and lines were crossed? Loyal friend/male counterpart moves on. Girl is left picking up the pieces of her heart and tries to figure out what went wrong.
In the past, I dealt with my heartache and pain in the same way- run straight into the arms of another guy. Go thru the motions of a meaningless relationship and act like it doesn’t hurt that much when it all falls apart. Since this most recent relationship was nothing like I’d ever experienced before (in a GOOD way), I decided it was time to grow up and deal with things like an adult. No more guy hopping, no more fake relationships, no more looking for something I’d never find. I was going to work thru the pain and work on me…and in the meantime, I was going to get some new ink.
After a particularly emotionally draining day which led to an amazing, wine filled night with the girlfriends- I had my idea. I've been thru a ton of heartbreak and dodged lots of bullets that have tried to tear me down. It's been hard, but I've chosen not to give in, not to let it hurt me, and most importantly, my faith has allowed me NOT to sink. I have my anchor, my hope, my strength- it's in me, but I needed to see it ON me. Here comes the ink!
I set off with my ink buddy (ironically enough, it's my ex husband) with the intention to just price work and see what can be done. First stop ends up being the last stop, and 2 hours later my left arm is swollen and throbbing. Finished product was more than I could have ever hoped for, and I'm quite a happy camper. The whole experience was incredibly therapeutic: the sting, the burn, the pain of getting tattooed. The discomfort, the weird sunburn-ish feeling of the healing process- it all seemed to mimic exactly what I was feeling inside. As I sorted thru my feelings, worked out some anger and started to mend emotionally, so did my tattoo.
 |
| Anchor/Hope-Left forearm. By far, the most meaningful tattoo I've gotten. |
Although I feel like I've healed emotionally from the pain of the breakup, I know that my friendship with this person still needs time to mend. And just like that relationship has not healed completely, neither has my tattoo. The tattoo will heal quicker than the time it will take for the emotional scars our friendship has, but it's a good reminder that in time- all wounds heal in their own way.
I used to say I was lucky to be with this guy. Now I know I wasn't lucky JUST because of that- I'm lucky because being with him was an opportunity to learn so much about myself, about life and love, and because when things got crappy, I realized I'm surrounded by friends who love me and care for me no matter what. No matter how ugly, hard, and complicated life can get...it's still pretty amazing and beautiful.
Cheers to a new start (and new ink)!
xoxo,
Julie
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